I couldn't whistle for SH!T

It's late, I should be in bed, but my mind is going 1000 miles a minute. Shelby is getting so big, I know I'll turn around twice and she'll be running the house just like Austin is now.
Like the sexy news I posted a while back about my teef, right after the 10 gallons of lidocaine wore off, I could feel something in my gum that wasn't right. "Probably just a stitch or two" I thought, and went on my way. Well, here it is almost a month later, and my gum is MEGA SORE still from this "stitch." I finally (being the braniac I am) look in the mirror at it, touch it, and discover it's a piece of my TOOTH. STILL THERE. ALL LOOSE AND SHIT. Like it is when you were a kid and wanted to yank it out just so it would stop dangling by a tendon or whatever. Anyway, my MacGyver-ness kicked in. I was NOT going to call the dentist and pay $3905829085209.00 just for them to do the same thing I was about to do. I grabbed my tweezers, went in for the kill, and yanked the remaining bit out. I AM WOMAN!

You could hear from behind the door: "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" and I hadn't even done anything yet. It was just a shard of a tooth, but still. Now, my gum is mega-mega sore, but I know now that it will heal, and all will be well.

Moral of the story: Use floss, people!

It would be cool if it was born on Halloween!!

First off, I am absolutely overjoyed because I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT AGAIN!! Tony, don't freak out, it's not one of your ho's. AMY O'IGLEHEART IS PREGNANT! I am so excited.....actually, i'm ecstatic. I can't even attempt to put it into any more words, so I'll just have you click here. Ok, fine, so I don't know what that was, but I can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!

Now for something completely different, and no I'm not bipolar....this is an issue that I talk about only to a rare few that I'm going to spill on here, mainly because it's in my head, I'm hurt and pissed, and as soon as I've vented hopefully I'll feel better. Set free from the chains-ah that have bound-ah me for so loonnnng-ah!! (Think of a southern baptist preacher and re-read that last sentence. I swear, laughter will ensue.)
For those of you that know me, the next sentence will make you roll your eyes. But I swear I am done. I am done with my mom. Done. Kaput. Fin.

It's as simple as this, no sugar coating, no extra drama, no way you can say I was lying when you read this and tell her it's on here: She lives 3 hours from here. She was in town today for a long while. I called her (just a "what's up?" call) and she said she was on her way back home from Owensboro. I have two kids that are her grandkids. I'm even on Prozac now and this pissed me off. I'm to the point where I don't even know what to feel when it comes to her anymore, so it's just easier to take my pink eraser and erase it from my brain. My uncle left my aunt after 31 years of marriage for a woman almost 20 years younger. It happens. Also none of my business. Her concern lied more with meeting this "new girl" and getting all in their business rather than seeing her own grandkids. I don't get it, and frankly, it's soooo much easier not to give a shit anymore.

Allrighty!!

I know I'm getting old when I'm excited about a road trip to Evansville to buy my kids some clothes. I remember road trips to buy me some clothes. And shoes. And cute little purses. And Weird Al memorabilia. And a trip to Studio Art. Bwahahahahahaha! Couldn't help myself.

Love to all!!

Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt . . .

Coughing. Coughing. More coughing. Always the coughing! This year has been awful for colds, flu, pneumonia, you name it. I'm in a office I normally don't sit in today and took a cough drop from the drawer. (Praying to God that it's not an ABC cough drop.) So now I have the retchid "halls of medicine" breath. Yuck. I love Luden's cough drops. I don't think they have a lick of medicine in them. Ingredients: Yummy candy. It's just in our heads that it helps the cough. And they're millionaires!!! Bastards.

I had my first margarita on Sunday. Thanks, Amy!! HAHA! It was great. A lunch with just us girls to get away from our smelly husbands. I think we shall do that once a month!!! I noticed that even after one margarita I talk way louder than I should have. Our waitress, who I graduated school with, said "Mel, there's not a huge crowd here, you're talking waaay loud." Or something to that effect. Crap, I can't remember!

Graduate with your waitress + Margarita = Free margarita. WHOOHOOO!!!

I do NOT like salt with it though. GA-ROSS. Give me my 9 0z on the rocks and no salt, beotch! I love alcoholic lingo!! "My name is Mel, and I'm an alcoholic. Awe-sem."

I only go to New China for the Fortune Cookies

I am so weird. Tonight we ordered ham and pineapple pizza because I'm awesome and it's my husband's favorite. I don't like pineapple, so on 1/2 we just got ham, because as we all know, I love my meat. Bwhahahahaha! Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway, a piece of pineapple made its way onto my 1/2, unbeknownst to me. I am a weird eater. I only like about 5 foods, mainly because I'm allergic to everything else. Don't even attempt to get me to try your favorite pasta salad or cucumber dip or whatnot...it will not happen. Dan took me to eat chinese once, which wasn't all that bad, but I don't eat any of the 'chinese' food per se'. I eat the chicken, potatoes, and the mozzerella cheese sticks. Every time. I will not like a food simply for it's looks and/or texture. Shrimp is a good example here. I don't want to feel a food "break" in my mouth. I don't like watermelon because of it's funky texture. I don't like mustard because it stinks. You feel me? Anyway, once I bit into this pineapple on my 400 degree pizza, I about tossed my cookies. I don't want fruit on my pizza. If I wanted something healthy, why would I be eating pizza? If I wanted fruit, why wouldn't I just have a fruit salad, or a can of fruit cocktail? Do people add shreds of ham to their fruit cocktail?

It's like ordering a Big Mac, large fries and a Diet coke. If you're going to go, go all out. Don't be a nancy and get pineapple on your pizza. Freaks!

I will probably let him have the next ham and pineapple pizza all to himself. (Which I am sure is his master plan.)

The other day he brought home Old Hickory BBQ (we never cook) and as I was enjoying my mutton, I realized what I was consuming. I imagined a sheep on a pasture, eating grass or whatever they eat.......then I looked down at my shredded brown mess on my plate. I was eating a sheep, and it made me sick to my stomach. I'll never touch mutton again. I got a mental image of a sheep in the field, then at slaughter. (Not at a Slaughter concert, even though I think I have heard about some sheep rocking out there, but that may have been a rumor.) I'm telling you, I'm weird with my food.

Errr.....Umm.....Wha ??

K - this blog would make a lot more sense if you read the below post first, then the post below it. I started a blog a few days ago that I just finished, hence it posting before the one below. What? Just do it, slappy!

No backgrounds, funny fonts, or pictures.

I am devastated. A baby that I admitted to the hospital last week has died. I came home on the day I admitted her and cried and cried because the mother acted like the baby didn't even exist. The baby was sent home the next day, I thought at least all was well. Now she's gone. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

It's so early, and I'm so rambly!!

Potty training. Always the potty training! It's going really well, actually. My little baby boy is now officially wearing elmo and monster truck underpants. Awesome.

Now for some sexy news, I had two teeth pulled last Monday and I still feel like I've been hit in the cheek with a bag of charcoal. They gave me a prescription for Lortab which I don't need, but it's cool to have around if I ever get that bored. I also noticed that Lidocaine (the lovely numbing medicine where you feel like your face is sliding off into your lap) makes me ramble incessantly. I'm sure my dentist was thinking, "Once you shutup, this will go alot smoother." I even asked him if he'd ever heard the whole 'Dentist' bit from Bill Cosby's "Himself" routine. He hadn't! I thought that was a staple of Americana. "My face id on da flo!" I love it. I told him I'd drop off a CD copy. I'm cool like that.

They never want to talk to you until AFTER they inject you with numbing medicine. Why is this? I actually told him, "You'd probably understand me a whole lot better, say, 10 minutes ago." It was good times.

Anyway, about my previous post about the little baby.....I think I am being called to another career path. The obituary that made me hold my head in my hands and cry for that sweet baby was the last straw. I love my job, don't get me wrong. I don't know if it is because I am a mother myself now, or because I know what it is like to just 'exist' in a home where you're supposed to be loved and nurtured....or a mixture of both, but I don't know how much more I can be a witness to. When I admitted the baby, her lips and feet were blue. BLUE. She had respiratory issues. I asked the mother, "Is she feverish?" to which the mother replied, "I dunno, the doctor didn't tell me."

Not once was this baby picked up out of the carrier. There was no blanket. No socks. No hat. Nothing. It was 30 degrees outside.

I can't save the world but I hopefully can make a difference in some babies lives. Now if I only knew where I would be needed most.....

Unfamiliar Territory to say the least

I am experiencing something I have never ever in my life felt before. I'm sitting here at home, Shelby is asleep, and I have absolutely nothing on my mind. Nothing. Austin is safe with his Pappaw. Dan is at work. It's almost noon and I'm still in my pajamas. Nothing is stressing me or making me sad, and I am not missing anybody or thinking about how sucky my childhood was. GOD, I LOVE PROZAC!!!