Bah-Gok! How do you spell the sound a chicken makes?

Chicken patties. I fixed chicken patties tonight and that even sends me into a sad state. They used to eat Banquet chicken patties ALL the time. Forgot about that until just now. The smell in the house, getting them out of the oven.....This is getting either very pathetic and sad, or just......I DONT KNOW. Am I the only person who, if one particular day they are feeling happy and all is right in the world, thinks to themselves, "Man, I wish I felt like this all the time..." or do people really feel 'that way' all the time? What will make this stop?
1. Get her out of your life. Check.
2. Get therapy to help sort this crap out. Check.
You think: Problem solved....but it isn't. Now, she's not there. She's not a worry. This woman that always has caused me drama (and everybody else in contact) is no longer a worry, and my husband thinks THAT is my problem. I don't have anybody or anything to worry about............except me.............and I am learning to deal with that.
Fine...something funny: Poopfarts.

Whatever happened to the Peggy Mitchell show?

I wanted to be on the Peggy Mitchell show. You know you need to get outside more often when you're watching "Jack's Big Music Show" with your family and saying, "We never had all this...all we had was Peggy Mitchell and that gay King Friday!" but you know I got to thinking...Peggy Mitchell was the sh*t when I was little. I wanted to be on the Peggy Mitchell show and/or Carol Burnett show. Ok, fine. The Muppets too, because I really believed you could GO SEE the Muppets and sit in the audience. Shutup. I miss childhood innocence.
I got upset watching "Extreme Home Makeover" last night because there was this preacher who lived in a trailer and converted his garage into a "recreation center" for the local kids to come and hang out and stay out of trouble. This man to be is the bomb because trust me, you have NO idea the impact you have on children. I have a list of 4 names...4 mothers of friends of mine at different stages of my life that were actually well, motherly to me. It made me break down and cry last night watching this preacher dude. He said "You don't need a million dollars in the bank and a huge mansion to care for a child. All you need is a heart and to tell them that they ARE somebody." I can't wait for the day when I don't think about how worthless I felt growing up. I can't wait until that is all gone. I'm working on that.
I don't know if getting all of it down on paper (as in a journal or well, this blog) would help me, or maybe hypnotism? I'd be too embarrassed to get hypnotized. I'd probably ramble too long about my Wierd Al fantasies.
Me: *waking up from hypnotism* "So, how'd it go?"
Doc: "Something about vaseline and Pat Benetar. Get out of my office."
Anyhoo...something that seems so easy is the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with...HAPPINESS. I have rid myself of hurtful people, our bills are paid, I have a wonderful patient husband and 2 great kids......and am still struggling emotionally. Inner demons suck ass!!! Hehe. Sorry.
This is the hardest thing to say.....because I just don't 'believe' like some people, but is life easier with Faith? Why would you want to give your problems to someone else?

I LOVE THIS.....*author unknown*

To whom it may concern,

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

*i have decided i would like to accept the responsibilities of a 5 year old again

*i would like to go to McDonald’s and think that it is a 4 star restaurant

*i want to sail sticks across a mudd puddle and make ripples in a pond with rocks.

*i want to think M&M’s are better than money because you can eat them

*i want to lie under a big oak tree and watch the ants run up its trunk

*i want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day

*i want to think a quarter is worth more than a dollar because it’s prettier and weighs more

*i want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes. When i didn’t know what i know now. When all i knew was to be happy because i was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worry.

*i want to think the world is fair

*i want to think that everyone is honest and good. And i want to believe that anything is possible

*i want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again

*i don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor’s bills, gossip, illness, and the loss of loved ones

*i want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, Santa, the tooth fairy, a kiss that makes the boo boo go away, making angels in the snow, and that my dad and Superman are the strongest people in the world.



So .....here’s my checkbook and my car keys and my credit cards and bills too, my
401k statements, my stocks and bonds, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job, my house and the payments too, my email address, cell phone, computer and watch. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this with me further then you’ll have to catch me first, cause.....



"Tag!!"..

"You’re It!!"

It puts you in perspective....

Say a prayer for Curt and Megan Wimp. Megan was 22 weeks pregnant and has discovered that they have lost little Miss Olivia Reese. There is a reason for everything, even though we may not know it now. Rest in Peace, Livy Poo. We love you.

My Austy Poo

Big brown loving eyes
looking up at me with such innocence
Such wonder
I can't believe he's really mine
This child has changed my life
Even when he poops in his pants
When he says "Sorry momma"
it makes it all okay.

Fin.

Magic Shell FOREVER!

I hate hormones and mood swings and stuff. There is no reason why I shouldn't be as happy as a white Michael Jackson right now. I can't wait to get all of this crap in check!! Gawd! The kids are cute as a button but your body goes to CRAP!
(Sorry, Amy.)
And why can't I make my font all one color? And what happened to my toolbar? Huhuhuh...I said "tool."
I love love love Johnson's baby lotion that now comes in Vanilla Oatmeal scent. Why the oatmeal scent? I have no idea. I don't really smell any oatmeal. I think they're just using oatmeal in the lotion itself, kinda like Aveeno, but to add it as part of the fragrance is odd. I don't want to smell like oats. I don't want to smell like that cardboard tube they come in. I don't want to think about that creepy Quaker guy as I rub lotion on my good parts.
I've gone too far.

I have too much time on my hands. Today is no man's land at work. Which for a person like me, spells danger. We now have to lock up EVERYTHING when we leave. I mean EVERYTHING. So, I sent the following email to some coworkers:
"......Since we now have to lock up everything, there is now a key for the drawer that stores our locks. The key that unlocks the lock drawer is now on the ring that is locked by the key that unlocks the lock with the keys. Thanks......"
Two words: Fired.

It's all fun and games until somebody throws up

I have determined that I am a freak of nature. I have spent the last 6 days or so nauseous beyound belief. I'm talking 'not able to get off the couch' nausea. 'The mere sound of Fran Drescher's voice makes me spew' nausea. I am also a week late. That alone would make a person go, "Hmmmm." I'm wiggety wack because I had a tubal when Shelby was born. I know, doesn't matter, it still could happen, blah blah blah. I called the Doc yesterday and had a blood test drawn. No baby, but still baby hormones present on a small scale. Which, according to a nurse here, all ladies have some form of this hormone. Makes no sense to me because it's the "placenta is present" hormone. This ties into testing I had about a month ago for another serious issue.

I was being tested for hepatitis. I bet you money I have some fked up infection in my blood that's giving these off the wall results. I know, I sound like a mega hypochondriac here. I'm not. I'm literally SICK of not feeling right. And the internet gives you way too much information for people looking to see what is wrong with them. I'm sure Doctors love people like me.

"Doctor, I have hypogigliapotropicanahylickalibbywakapoop."


Speaking of pregnancy, my sister-in-law Amy is due at the end of October. "Cletus the fetus" can't get here fast enough!! I need to have a halloween party in mid-October...that way she can be a nun....a pregnant nun. Hardy har har.

Pointless

I was searching the web this morning looking for miracle diet cures, "Take this pill, fatass!" and came upon this site listing foods high in protein. I found a recipe titled "Cheeseball with Melba Toast."
Hence the name o' my blah-g. It's like buttah. It fits like a glove. It was love at first read. Ok, I'll shutup now.

I read an article on why Hannah Montana is not a good role model for little girls. I was thinking that the article would be one sentence. "Because she's the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus."

I love it when you blow your nose so hard your bangs shoot up from your forehead.

I recently called a friend because someone we both knew had passed away. I said, "They had a "In memory of Jason" sticker on their car...." to which she said, "Because he died?" I had to refrain from hanging up.

My father in law loves biscuits and gravy. He went to Waffle House and they served him toasted hamburger buns covered in gravy. He didn't complain. The man loves gravy.

Because I am stubborn, I wanted to see if I really needed the Prozac I was prescribed. I lasted 4 days.

Amy Winehouse is annoying. If I had the power to severely dislike you because you are fugly, she'd be my numero uno.