487 Kinds o' Tired

Has it been forever or what? FOR REAL, DAWG!!
I'm tired of feeling like I have something to prove. I'm tired of feeling like I have to 'look' a certain way. I am ME. I was born Melissa Marie. I often think that if I change my name, would my slate really be cleaned? The people that I care about would know, obviously...but I'd love to say, "No, you must be thinking of someone else. I did not go to school with you." Because you know what? If you weren't my friend then, when I needed you, then fk you now. There are people that I run into on Myspace and send "friend requests" and/or messages to, and ONE in particular did not respond. Their profile boasts that they are on Myspace to 'talk to people I care about.' Well you know what? I don't really care if you respond, it's not about that. It's a fking message just catching up on the last 10+ years. I'm not asking for a kidney. Plus, you've aged tons since high school and I'd be forced to ask you who you were if you responded back now just to be a dick.
You dont impress me. I dont care what you do for a living and what kind of car you drive or how many kids you have. The people that I want to share this stuff with, know that stuff about me. I LOVE giving what I get.
I actually told a coworker last week, "When you do **&%*#%&*#(%&*%&, it really pisses me off and is annoying, and I'm not the only one that thinks that." And they apologized, because they never realized that about themself. It felt good - not to be mean, but to say, "Hey you....FKING STOP!"
I am tired tired tired tired of my fking pity parties. I feel like my good friend Karee because I've said "fuck" about 38529058 times, but it feels so good to just get it out. Now I know why she does it.
I might just change my name and wear cool Chuck Taylors like Amy O. and I might just LIVE for once for ME and I dont care if you stare because it just means that there's something about me that YOU are lacking in yourself. Take a fking picture because I'm not going back to where I was.
Fuckin' A.

Bah-Gok! How do you spell the sound a chicken makes?

Chicken patties. I fixed chicken patties tonight and that even sends me into a sad state. They used to eat Banquet chicken patties ALL the time. Forgot about that until just now. The smell in the house, getting them out of the oven.....This is getting either very pathetic and sad, or just......I DONT KNOW. Am I the only person who, if one particular day they are feeling happy and all is right in the world, thinks to themselves, "Man, I wish I felt like this all the time..." or do people really feel 'that way' all the time? What will make this stop?
1. Get her out of your life. Check.
2. Get therapy to help sort this crap out. Check.
You think: Problem solved....but it isn't. Now, she's not there. She's not a worry. This woman that always has caused me drama (and everybody else in contact) is no longer a worry, and my husband thinks THAT is my problem. I don't have anybody or anything to worry about............except me.............and I am learning to deal with that.
Fine...something funny: Poopfarts.

Whatever happened to the Peggy Mitchell show?

I wanted to be on the Peggy Mitchell show. You know you need to get outside more often when you're watching "Jack's Big Music Show" with your family and saying, "We never had all this...all we had was Peggy Mitchell and that gay King Friday!" but you know I got to thinking...Peggy Mitchell was the sh*t when I was little. I wanted to be on the Peggy Mitchell show and/or Carol Burnett show. Ok, fine. The Muppets too, because I really believed you could GO SEE the Muppets and sit in the audience. Shutup. I miss childhood innocence.
I got upset watching "Extreme Home Makeover" last night because there was this preacher who lived in a trailer and converted his garage into a "recreation center" for the local kids to come and hang out and stay out of trouble. This man to be is the bomb because trust me, you have NO idea the impact you have on children. I have a list of 4 names...4 mothers of friends of mine at different stages of my life that were actually well, motherly to me. It made me break down and cry last night watching this preacher dude. He said "You don't need a million dollars in the bank and a huge mansion to care for a child. All you need is a heart and to tell them that they ARE somebody." I can't wait for the day when I don't think about how worthless I felt growing up. I can't wait until that is all gone. I'm working on that.
I don't know if getting all of it down on paper (as in a journal or well, this blog) would help me, or maybe hypnotism? I'd be too embarrassed to get hypnotized. I'd probably ramble too long about my Wierd Al fantasies.
Me: *waking up from hypnotism* "So, how'd it go?"
Doc: "Something about vaseline and Pat Benetar. Get out of my office."
Anyhoo...something that seems so easy is the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with...HAPPINESS. I have rid myself of hurtful people, our bills are paid, I have a wonderful patient husband and 2 great kids......and am still struggling emotionally. Inner demons suck ass!!! Hehe. Sorry.
This is the hardest thing to say.....because I just don't 'believe' like some people, but is life easier with Faith? Why would you want to give your problems to someone else?

I LOVE THIS.....*author unknown*

To whom it may concern,

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.

*i have decided i would like to accept the responsibilities of a 5 year old again

*i would like to go to McDonald’s and think that it is a 4 star restaurant

*i want to sail sticks across a mudd puddle and make ripples in a pond with rocks.

*i want to think M&M’s are better than money because you can eat them

*i want to lie under a big oak tree and watch the ants run up its trunk

*i want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day

*i want to think a quarter is worth more than a dollar because it’s prettier and weighs more

*i want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes. When i didn’t know what i know now. When all i knew was to be happy because i was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worry.

*i want to think the world is fair

*i want to think that everyone is honest and good. And i want to believe that anything is possible

*i want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again

*i don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor’s bills, gossip, illness, and the loss of loved ones

*i want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, Santa, the tooth fairy, a kiss that makes the boo boo go away, making angels in the snow, and that my dad and Superman are the strongest people in the world.



So .....here’s my checkbook and my car keys and my credit cards and bills too, my
401k statements, my stocks and bonds, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job, my house and the payments too, my email address, cell phone, computer and watch. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this with me further then you’ll have to catch me first, cause.....



"Tag!!"..

"You’re It!!"

It puts you in perspective....

Say a prayer for Curt and Megan Wimp. Megan was 22 weeks pregnant and has discovered that they have lost little Miss Olivia Reese. There is a reason for everything, even though we may not know it now. Rest in Peace, Livy Poo. We love you.

My Austy Poo

Big brown loving eyes
looking up at me with such innocence
Such wonder
I can't believe he's really mine
This child has changed my life
Even when he poops in his pants
When he says "Sorry momma"
it makes it all okay.

Fin.

Magic Shell FOREVER!

I hate hormones and mood swings and stuff. There is no reason why I shouldn't be as happy as a white Michael Jackson right now. I can't wait to get all of this crap in check!! Gawd! The kids are cute as a button but your body goes to CRAP!
(Sorry, Amy.)
And why can't I make my font all one color? And what happened to my toolbar? Huhuhuh...I said "tool."
I love love love Johnson's baby lotion that now comes in Vanilla Oatmeal scent. Why the oatmeal scent? I have no idea. I don't really smell any oatmeal. I think they're just using oatmeal in the lotion itself, kinda like Aveeno, but to add it as part of the fragrance is odd. I don't want to smell like oats. I don't want to smell like that cardboard tube they come in. I don't want to think about that creepy Quaker guy as I rub lotion on my good parts.
I've gone too far.

I have too much time on my hands. Today is no man's land at work. Which for a person like me, spells danger. We now have to lock up EVERYTHING when we leave. I mean EVERYTHING. So, I sent the following email to some coworkers:
"......Since we now have to lock up everything, there is now a key for the drawer that stores our locks. The key that unlocks the lock drawer is now on the ring that is locked by the key that unlocks the lock with the keys. Thanks......"
Two words: Fired.

It's all fun and games until somebody throws up

I have determined that I am a freak of nature. I have spent the last 6 days or so nauseous beyound belief. I'm talking 'not able to get off the couch' nausea. 'The mere sound of Fran Drescher's voice makes me spew' nausea. I am also a week late. That alone would make a person go, "Hmmmm." I'm wiggety wack because I had a tubal when Shelby was born. I know, doesn't matter, it still could happen, blah blah blah. I called the Doc yesterday and had a blood test drawn. No baby, but still baby hormones present on a small scale. Which, according to a nurse here, all ladies have some form of this hormone. Makes no sense to me because it's the "placenta is present" hormone. This ties into testing I had about a month ago for another serious issue.

I was being tested for hepatitis. I bet you money I have some fked up infection in my blood that's giving these off the wall results. I know, I sound like a mega hypochondriac here. I'm not. I'm literally SICK of not feeling right. And the internet gives you way too much information for people looking to see what is wrong with them. I'm sure Doctors love people like me.

"Doctor, I have hypogigliapotropicanahylickalibbywakapoop."


Speaking of pregnancy, my sister-in-law Amy is due at the end of October. "Cletus the fetus" can't get here fast enough!! I need to have a halloween party in mid-October...that way she can be a nun....a pregnant nun. Hardy har har.

Pointless

I was searching the web this morning looking for miracle diet cures, "Take this pill, fatass!" and came upon this site listing foods high in protein. I found a recipe titled "Cheeseball with Melba Toast."
Hence the name o' my blah-g. It's like buttah. It fits like a glove. It was love at first read. Ok, I'll shutup now.

I read an article on why Hannah Montana is not a good role model for little girls. I was thinking that the article would be one sentence. "Because she's the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus."

I love it when you blow your nose so hard your bangs shoot up from your forehead.

I recently called a friend because someone we both knew had passed away. I said, "They had a "In memory of Jason" sticker on their car...." to which she said, "Because he died?" I had to refrain from hanging up.

My father in law loves biscuits and gravy. He went to Waffle House and they served him toasted hamburger buns covered in gravy. He didn't complain. The man loves gravy.

Because I am stubborn, I wanted to see if I really needed the Prozac I was prescribed. I lasted 4 days.

Amy Winehouse is annoying. If I had the power to severely dislike you because you are fugly, she'd be my numero uno.

I couldn't whistle for SH!T

It's late, I should be in bed, but my mind is going 1000 miles a minute. Shelby is getting so big, I know I'll turn around twice and she'll be running the house just like Austin is now.
Like the sexy news I posted a while back about my teef, right after the 10 gallons of lidocaine wore off, I could feel something in my gum that wasn't right. "Probably just a stitch or two" I thought, and went on my way. Well, here it is almost a month later, and my gum is MEGA SORE still from this "stitch." I finally (being the braniac I am) look in the mirror at it, touch it, and discover it's a piece of my TOOTH. STILL THERE. ALL LOOSE AND SHIT. Like it is when you were a kid and wanted to yank it out just so it would stop dangling by a tendon or whatever. Anyway, my MacGyver-ness kicked in. I was NOT going to call the dentist and pay $3905829085209.00 just for them to do the same thing I was about to do. I grabbed my tweezers, went in for the kill, and yanked the remaining bit out. I AM WOMAN!

You could hear from behind the door: "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" and I hadn't even done anything yet. It was just a shard of a tooth, but still. Now, my gum is mega-mega sore, but I know now that it will heal, and all will be well.

Moral of the story: Use floss, people!

It would be cool if it was born on Halloween!!

First off, I am absolutely overjoyed because I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT AGAIN!! Tony, don't freak out, it's not one of your ho's. AMY O'IGLEHEART IS PREGNANT! I am so excited.....actually, i'm ecstatic. I can't even attempt to put it into any more words, so I'll just have you click here. Ok, fine, so I don't know what that was, but I can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!

Now for something completely different, and no I'm not bipolar....this is an issue that I talk about only to a rare few that I'm going to spill on here, mainly because it's in my head, I'm hurt and pissed, and as soon as I've vented hopefully I'll feel better. Set free from the chains-ah that have bound-ah me for so loonnnng-ah!! (Think of a southern baptist preacher and re-read that last sentence. I swear, laughter will ensue.)
For those of you that know me, the next sentence will make you roll your eyes. But I swear I am done. I am done with my mom. Done. Kaput. Fin.

It's as simple as this, no sugar coating, no extra drama, no way you can say I was lying when you read this and tell her it's on here: She lives 3 hours from here. She was in town today for a long while. I called her (just a "what's up?" call) and she said she was on her way back home from Owensboro. I have two kids that are her grandkids. I'm even on Prozac now and this pissed me off. I'm to the point where I don't even know what to feel when it comes to her anymore, so it's just easier to take my pink eraser and erase it from my brain. My uncle left my aunt after 31 years of marriage for a woman almost 20 years younger. It happens. Also none of my business. Her concern lied more with meeting this "new girl" and getting all in their business rather than seeing her own grandkids. I don't get it, and frankly, it's soooo much easier not to give a shit anymore.

Allrighty!!

I know I'm getting old when I'm excited about a road trip to Evansville to buy my kids some clothes. I remember road trips to buy me some clothes. And shoes. And cute little purses. And Weird Al memorabilia. And a trip to Studio Art. Bwahahahahahaha! Couldn't help myself.

Love to all!!

Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt . . .

Coughing. Coughing. More coughing. Always the coughing! This year has been awful for colds, flu, pneumonia, you name it. I'm in a office I normally don't sit in today and took a cough drop from the drawer. (Praying to God that it's not an ABC cough drop.) So now I have the retchid "halls of medicine" breath. Yuck. I love Luden's cough drops. I don't think they have a lick of medicine in them. Ingredients: Yummy candy. It's just in our heads that it helps the cough. And they're millionaires!!! Bastards.

I had my first margarita on Sunday. Thanks, Amy!! HAHA! It was great. A lunch with just us girls to get away from our smelly husbands. I think we shall do that once a month!!! I noticed that even after one margarita I talk way louder than I should have. Our waitress, who I graduated school with, said "Mel, there's not a huge crowd here, you're talking waaay loud." Or something to that effect. Crap, I can't remember!

Graduate with your waitress + Margarita = Free margarita. WHOOHOOO!!!

I do NOT like salt with it though. GA-ROSS. Give me my 9 0z on the rocks and no salt, beotch! I love alcoholic lingo!! "My name is Mel, and I'm an alcoholic. Awe-sem."

I only go to New China for the Fortune Cookies

I am so weird. Tonight we ordered ham and pineapple pizza because I'm awesome and it's my husband's favorite. I don't like pineapple, so on 1/2 we just got ham, because as we all know, I love my meat. Bwhahahahaha! Sorry, couldn't resist. Anyway, a piece of pineapple made its way onto my 1/2, unbeknownst to me. I am a weird eater. I only like about 5 foods, mainly because I'm allergic to everything else. Don't even attempt to get me to try your favorite pasta salad or cucumber dip or whatnot...it will not happen. Dan took me to eat chinese once, which wasn't all that bad, but I don't eat any of the 'chinese' food per se'. I eat the chicken, potatoes, and the mozzerella cheese sticks. Every time. I will not like a food simply for it's looks and/or texture. Shrimp is a good example here. I don't want to feel a food "break" in my mouth. I don't like watermelon because of it's funky texture. I don't like mustard because it stinks. You feel me? Anyway, once I bit into this pineapple on my 400 degree pizza, I about tossed my cookies. I don't want fruit on my pizza. If I wanted something healthy, why would I be eating pizza? If I wanted fruit, why wouldn't I just have a fruit salad, or a can of fruit cocktail? Do people add shreds of ham to their fruit cocktail?

It's like ordering a Big Mac, large fries and a Diet coke. If you're going to go, go all out. Don't be a nancy and get pineapple on your pizza. Freaks!

I will probably let him have the next ham and pineapple pizza all to himself. (Which I am sure is his master plan.)

The other day he brought home Old Hickory BBQ (we never cook) and as I was enjoying my mutton, I realized what I was consuming. I imagined a sheep on a pasture, eating grass or whatever they eat.......then I looked down at my shredded brown mess on my plate. I was eating a sheep, and it made me sick to my stomach. I'll never touch mutton again. I got a mental image of a sheep in the field, then at slaughter. (Not at a Slaughter concert, even though I think I have heard about some sheep rocking out there, but that may have been a rumor.) I'm telling you, I'm weird with my food.

Errr.....Umm.....Wha ??

K - this blog would make a lot more sense if you read the below post first, then the post below it. I started a blog a few days ago that I just finished, hence it posting before the one below. What? Just do it, slappy!

No backgrounds, funny fonts, or pictures.

I am devastated. A baby that I admitted to the hospital last week has died. I came home on the day I admitted her and cried and cried because the mother acted like the baby didn't even exist. The baby was sent home the next day, I thought at least all was well. Now she's gone. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

It's so early, and I'm so rambly!!

Potty training. Always the potty training! It's going really well, actually. My little baby boy is now officially wearing elmo and monster truck underpants. Awesome.

Now for some sexy news, I had two teeth pulled last Monday and I still feel like I've been hit in the cheek with a bag of charcoal. They gave me a prescription for Lortab which I don't need, but it's cool to have around if I ever get that bored. I also noticed that Lidocaine (the lovely numbing medicine where you feel like your face is sliding off into your lap) makes me ramble incessantly. I'm sure my dentist was thinking, "Once you shutup, this will go alot smoother." I even asked him if he'd ever heard the whole 'Dentist' bit from Bill Cosby's "Himself" routine. He hadn't! I thought that was a staple of Americana. "My face id on da flo!" I love it. I told him I'd drop off a CD copy. I'm cool like that.

They never want to talk to you until AFTER they inject you with numbing medicine. Why is this? I actually told him, "You'd probably understand me a whole lot better, say, 10 minutes ago." It was good times.

Anyway, about my previous post about the little baby.....I think I am being called to another career path. The obituary that made me hold my head in my hands and cry for that sweet baby was the last straw. I love my job, don't get me wrong. I don't know if it is because I am a mother myself now, or because I know what it is like to just 'exist' in a home where you're supposed to be loved and nurtured....or a mixture of both, but I don't know how much more I can be a witness to. When I admitted the baby, her lips and feet were blue. BLUE. She had respiratory issues. I asked the mother, "Is she feverish?" to which the mother replied, "I dunno, the doctor didn't tell me."

Not once was this baby picked up out of the carrier. There was no blanket. No socks. No hat. Nothing. It was 30 degrees outside.

I can't save the world but I hopefully can make a difference in some babies lives. Now if I only knew where I would be needed most.....

Unfamiliar Territory to say the least

I am experiencing something I have never ever in my life felt before. I'm sitting here at home, Shelby is asleep, and I have absolutely nothing on my mind. Nothing. Austin is safe with his Pappaw. Dan is at work. It's almost noon and I'm still in my pajamas. Nothing is stressing me or making me sad, and I am not missing anybody or thinking about how sucky my childhood was. GOD, I LOVE PROZAC!!!

Just a swiggin'

I literally just now took a swig of Cranberry Apple Crystal light. It made me have a flashback to my pregnancy 'weird craving' days. With Austin, I literally inhaled apple juice. I honestly drank apple juice 24/7. Even while at work. I was so dilligent with that pregnancy - once we found him (13 weeks!) I literally cut out all caffeine immediately. I thought caffeine was a big no-no.
Poor Shelby, we found out about her at 4 weeks along, and I drank Diet Pepsi's like they were the reason for my existence. I couldn't stand the taste of anything else. And I HATED diet pepsi before that. Don't even bring me apple juice now. Ugh. Why I bought cran-apple mix I'll never know.

Attention all morons with kids: It's winter. It's cold. Keep your rugrats indoors. Stop having me admit your babies because you're too stupid to not smoke around them or put a hat on them when you take them out in the windy cold. Sterilize yourself.

I finally had my labs drawn today. This will probably be the only time you hear me say this phrase, but according to the lab work: I'm NORMAL. What??!!!
So, I guess I'll give the meds a shot and we'll see how that goes. If these blogs start making sense, you KNOW something is wrong, so please tell me.

I'm gonna leave you with a song that I always seem to hear right when I need to hear it.

"Maybe I'm amazed" ~ Paul McCartney

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time

Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time

Hung me on a line

Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

Maybe I'm a man

maybe I'm a lonely man

Who's in the middle of something

That he doesn't really understand

Maybe I'm a man

and maybe you're the only woman

Who could ever help me

Baby won't you help me understand

Maybe I'm a man

maybe I'm a lonely man

Who's in the middle of something

That he doesn't really understand

Maybe I'm a man

and maybe you're the only woman

Who could ever help me

Baby won't you help me understand

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time

Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song

Right me when I'm wrong

Maybe I’m amazed at the way I really need you

Homos are so Gay

Well, I was GOING to get my lab done today at work, but noooooo.....the 2 people that I like (that don't hurt) are both OFF! Grrrreeeatttt!! Oh well, I can wait until Monday. Plus, it's fasting lab, and once I found out that my 2 weren't working, it was Mt. Dew city.
I've been doing some investigatin' about this Postpartum Depression. I know I'm not the doc, but it's like wearing a chicken suit to work - it just doesn't make sense. But, maybe after a couple of weeks of happy pills, it will. LOL. "Everything is beautiful!" "Mel, shutup." "I love America! God Bless the U.S.A.! Hugs for you!!" I only hope I can go back to my normal annoying self.
It seems that this time of year brings everybody down. There's an actual condition for like, the winter blues....which name escapes me at the moment. It's unreal - the coolest people I know are going through the hardest times right now - all very different circumstances but each one high on the "sucks ass" scale.
They do say to go to a tanning session every once in a while to actually get some sunshine. Makes sense, if you want to be a Beggin' Strip or look like this guy here.

Since I've been Captain Sadpants for what seems like years, I thought it would be fun to actually go out on a 'date' this weekend with Dan. We haven't done that in, oh....almost 4 years? Don't get me wrong, we go out to eat, etc...but we never get 'gussied up'....you know what I'm saying. Normally I'm in a sweatshirt and jeans....tonight, it's a sweatshirt, jeans, and makeup.

I was trying to think of different things to do......when I was a teenager, we just went to the mall. For 4 hours. That's the way it was, and we liked it!!! Aladdin's didn't even have an air hockey table then!! What did we do to pass the time??!! Looking back, we could have made some extra money sweeping....we made so many laps around the place. To this day, my favorite "high school mall job" was Baskin-Robbins. You got paid to socialize and give your pals free ice cream. I also tried the Kay-bee toys route. You think I would be in heaven working at a toy store. NOPE. I got sick 84958485 times while working there. It was worse than a day care. Parents are idiots - the kid is off sick from school, so they just take them along for their 800 errands, and end up contaminating 1/2 the free world. I remember one kid whose face was blood red (from fever) and he was coughing his head off....walking around the store while his mom shopped elsewhere. It was pathetic and sad.


_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@_@__@_@_@


Fast forward to 9:43 pm!! LOL. The previous was typed about 6:00 am, I started to get busy at work, (and not in a good way) so I had to cease the ramblin'. Tonight was fun - absolutely fun. It was a nice breather away....just 3 hours, but still. We went to Johnny B's (his favorite place for wings in this town) and then bowling, which I haven't done since high school. LOL. I'm not coordinated AT ALL. I bowl like a 3 year old does. I get to the line and heave the ball. I am in no way ready for the Pro Bowling Circuit, sponsored by Delores' Cafe. My first game was 54. Second? 90 BEOTCH!! The funnest time I had was constantly changing our names on the scoreboard screen. Ben Dover, Lew Zerr, Mookie Wilson.....LOL. Awe-sem.
We then went to the candy store in the mall because Dan loves Runts candy, but he reeeeally likes the banana runts, so I got him a pound of banana runts. You know, mainly to make him sick of his all time favorite candy. Next month is his turn. Pray for me.

I guess I'll close for now. I feel like I'm coming down with something - you know how you get all sinus-ey like you just inhaled Dr. Pepper in both nostrils? That's what my nose feels like.
Like someone round-house kicked me in the face with a bag of Lenders Bagels. Like my face was a possum and my sinuses were an 18 wheeler on J.R. Miller Blvd.
I'll stop now.

xoxo,
Mel


Song in my head:
"Buddy Holly" ~ Weezer


What's with these homies dissin' my girl?
Why do they gotta front?
What did we ever do to these guys
That made them so violent?


Woo-hoo, but you know I'm yours.
Woo-hoo, and I know you're mine.
Woo-hoo, and that's for all the time.

Woo-ee-oo, I look just like Buddy Holly.
Oh-oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.
I don't care what they say about us anyway.
I don't care 'bout that.


Don't you ever fear, I'm always there.
I know that you need help.
Your tongue is twisted, your eyes are slit.
You need a guardian.

Woo-hoo, and you know I'm yours.
Woo-hoo, and I know you're mine.
Woo-hoo, and that's for all the time.


Woo-ee-oo, I look just like Buddy Holly.
Oh-oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.
I don't care what they say about us anyway.
I don't care 'bout that.


Bang bang knock on the door,
another big bang, you're down on the floor.
Oh no! What do we do?
Don't look now but I lost my shoe.
I can't run and I can't kick.
What's a matter babe, are you feelin' sick?
What's a matter, what's a matter, what's a matter you?
What's a matter babe, are you feelin' blue?
Oh-oh-oh....
And that's for all the time.


Woo-ee-oo, I look just like Buddy Holly.
Oh-oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.
I don't care what they say about us anyway.
I don't care 'bout that.
I don't care 'bout that.
I don't care 'bout that.

Tears of a Clown LOL

Sitting here in a quiet house before the hubby and kids come home. Went to the OB Doc and actually sat in her office and talked with her, which was nice because that meant she wasn't going to invade my good parts during this visit. I had previously wrote some notes down of certain instances of my hormonal drama, because I can never remember what I want to say until I'm in the car leaving the office. Started to cry (which if you know me, it doesn't take much to make me cry. What has been worrying me though, is I couldn't cry even if I wanted to lately) and was blubbering on about how I felt like I was a crappy wife and I hate for my kids to see me angry. I dont take it out on them, but they're in the same house - they hear more than they should. I've been there, done that, and my kids are not going to go through that.

She told me that I was going through post-partum depression. Huh? That's it??!!

Don't get me wrong, PPD is not fun....but when I think of PPD I imagine a mom who cries non-stop at those "I dont feel fresh" commercials.....I'm not like that. I'm more like "Who moved my drink? WHO moved my god damned drink?? WHAT THE FK!!!" over something absolutely miniscule. I'm talking RAGE. It's awful.

I did tell her that I felt that her nurse was not helpful at all - and it wasn't smart to tell someone whose calling for help to say, "Honey, that's just life!" It very well may be, but I wanted to shove the phone down her throat.

I said, "I just want to see what my hormone levels are!! I just want to see with my own eyes if I'm NORMAL." So, she ordered some labs, even though she said I don't need them, which I appreciate. She said, "Your hormone levels are supposed to go up and down around the time of your period." And I said, "Um, my period isn't ALL MONTH!" I wanted to say, "Who signed these diplomas? Are you certified?"

So, she recommended some stuff and I go back in a month. If I'm not admitted to Psych that is.

That's all I got - thanks for caring.

Guess What? Chicken Butt.

I'm sitting here either super cool or the worst mother in the world. It's late, I should be in bed, but I feel awe-sem because I'm sitting at the PC with my earphones in jamming to my Ipod. Why the worst mom? Because my youngest is 5 feet from me, and I would have no clue if she was crying. My husband is asleep, there's NO way he would hear her...or a marching band right next to him for that matter.

Yeah yeah yeah, the Packers lost. It sucks. But how cool would it be if the Giants beat the Patriots??? Not likely, but Oh my!! I might actually do the happy dance!!!

I need to get a grip on my hormones bad. I should not want to rip a phone book in 1/2 just from someone interrupting me at work, but that's how bad it is. I hate, and I mean absolutely hate calling and talking to my OB's nurse to make an appointment. I was explaining to her my issues, and she says to me, "Honey, that's just life you're going through." and I said, "So, wanting to hang up on you right now is life?" Idiot. I think from now on when I go in there I'll just throw a donut and hope her fat ass runs and gets it to distract her while I'm trying to do my bid-ness.

I'm normally a happy, joking around person. Sometimes too much. I'd much rather you not talk to me at all anymore rather than say something to you that I don't mean. And that's not me.
It's like all of my faults are magnified x 1000.

This is the suckiest blog ever!!

I think I'm a clone now

It doesn't take much to fascinate me. That's why the Kleenexes with the Vicks vap-o-rub mentholatum smell is my new most favorite thing ever. I'd stick one in each nostril if I could. A lady I work with brought a box, and we're not even using them for their intended purpose. Kathy put one on her desk just to "smell it" every once in a while. Mmmmmm. Mentholatum.

I saw an article where the FDA has approved cloned meat. More mad cow for less the hassle! I can't wrap my head around this one. They actually determined that cloned meat was safe by feeding cloned animals TO the animals. "Man, this tastes really good, don't you agree Mom?.......MOM?!!" Also, and this is from SeattlePI.com, the cloned newborn cattle are often born seriously unhealthy but over time overcome their illness(es), thus making them safe to eat. I don't want my steak arriving on a short bus. I want the MENSA of all steaks. You know, this could actually solve world hunger. Send a few FDA science dorks, a cow and a couple of goats to Africa!!

American Idol comes back on tonight!! I only watch the cheesy auditions. It's getting kind of annoying, because most of the people know they can't sing, they just want to be on TV. You know it's bad when their song of choice is "Happy Birthday." LOL.

I think I'm going to relocate to Germany. Sugarfree gum there is causing a huge diarrhea epidemic. Maybe I started this paragraph out wrong......that's not why I want to move there. It's because the sugarless gum they make there has Sorbitol in it, and apparently if you chew enough of it you will lose weight. We don't use sorbitol here, it's nutra-sweet. Crap! I mean, no!
"Germany: We don't shave our legs and we crap alot. Welcome."

Today's blahhhhg won't be as long, mainly because the menthol has eaten most of my brain cells, and second, I'm about ready to go upstairs to the 'workoutapalooza.' I'll just leave you with a lovely song to get you through your day/evening/whatever.

Peace out, Nancys!

Mel

"Misunderstanding"

Genesis

There must be some misunderstanding

There must be some kind of mistake

I waited in the rain for hours

You were late

Now it's not like me to say the right thing

But you could've called to let me know

I checked your number twice, don't understand it

So I went home

Well I'd been waiting for this weekend

I thought that maybe we could see a show

Never dreamed I'd have this feeling

But seeing you is believing

That's why I don't know why

You didn't show up that night

There must be some misunderstanding

There must be some kind of mistake

I was waiting in the rain for hours

You were late

Since then I've been running around

trying to find you

I went to the places you always go

I rang your house but got no answer

Jumped in my car, I went round there

I still don't believe it

He was just leaving

There must be some misunderstanding

There must be some kind of mistake.

I know it's an ampersand! I think....

First off, I have waaaay too many passwords anymore. I feel like I'm at work! Paying bills, email accounts, this thing.....you'd think they'd all be the same, right? Oh no. Most sites require a number or two and one capital letter and/or an asterisk or whatever this is: &.

I got it! My new universal password: zebracAke69.

I'm a little bummed tonight. The Colts lost, which sucks, because that's my team, mainly because I can pronounce their QB's name. (I know Manumaleuna isn't the Rams QB, but YOU try to say it.) The Cowboys lost as well. At least they can't blame Jessica Simpson this time. She, being a woman, and not smart, she's prolly happy they lost. "Yay! More time with Tony!!"

4 words: Chicken of the Sea.

The only good thing to come out of tonight with Dallas losing, at least now the Packers get to play the Giants at home in Lambeau.

I guess I'll put away my penis now.

We gave Shelby pears tonight. (Stage 1 Gerber pears, not the actual fruit.) We didn't set one in her lap or anything. "Here you go! Gum away, sport!"

The bib got more food than she did, but she did fabulous. Now we wait for the infamous "she's now eating food" poop.

There is a commercial on TV that features Scooby Doo. Austin, who used to be obsessed with Sesame Street, has a fit every time this commercial comes on. All I have to say is the inventer of Tivo must have children. Without Tivo, we'd be screwed right now. Have you seen any Scooby Doo DVDs lately? Me neither. Thank You Boomerang Network!!

I loooove Tivo. Looooooooooooooove it.

Tomorrow starts the "working out after work" crap I was babbling about the other day. I need to load the MP3 player with my Weird Al box set. I think I'll go do that!!

Oh, some days you'll notice song lyrics on here. Music is a huge part of my life, and so it was only a matter of time before it made its debut.

Chow,

Mel

Song in my head:

"Serenity" - Godsmack

As I sit here,

and slowly close my eyes,

I take another deep breath,

and feel the wind pass through my body.

I'm the one in your soul,

reflecting inner light.

Protect the ones who hold you.

Cradling your inner child.

I need serenity, in a place where I can hide.

I need serenity, nothing changes, days go by.

Where do we go when we just don't know

and how do we relight the flame when it's cold?

Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing

and when do we learn to control?

Tragic visions have slowly stole my life.

Tore away everything, cheating me out of my time.

I'm the one who loves you, no matter wrong or right.

And every day I hold you, I hold you with my inner child.

I need serenity, in a place where I can hide.

I need serenity, nothing changes, days go by.

Where do we go when we just don't know

and how do we relight the flame when it's cold?

Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing

and when do we learn to control?

Aaaaahhh, yeah.Aaaaaahhhh...Aaaaahhh, yeah.Aaaaaahhhh...

Where do we go when we just don't know

and how do we relight the flame when it's cold?

Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing

and when will we learn to control?(I need serenity)

Where do we go when we just don't know

and (I need serenity) how do we relight the flame when it's cold?

(I need serenity) Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing

(I need serenity) and when will we learn to control?

Donnie Baker for President (Shutup, Randy!)

Have you ever tried to order anything off of Amazon.com? I just purchased a couple of books for myself and Hubby. The site was very easy to navigate....until you go to pay for it. Why is it important what I had for breakfast? Why do I have to keep verifying my email address? WHY IS MY EMAIL ADDRESS IMPORTANT? I could put 'gravyinpants@aol.com' .....why does it matter? Are the amazon police going to come in the middle of the night? I know, they send you a verification of your purchase. I KNOW. I just dont know why they ask for it 85935829508 times, and then one time you'll type it wrong, then it comes back and you have to re-type all your info again...............Can you tell I'm frustrated? Bite me, amazonians!

No, my book isn't on anger management. That would be funny, though....to call a bookstore all pissy wanting to know what books they have on managing anger.

I really need to get on an exercise regimen. I have no excuse, really, other than lack of motivation. We have a workout room at work that we can use free of charge, which is nice, but after working a 10 hour shift, the last thing I want to do is go upstairs and walk on the treadmill. But I must! I just hope I don't see any doctors with their shirts off. Well, unless they're hot.

I'm also afraid I'll forget where I'm at and be singing along with my MP3 player.
Walking on the treadmill, eyes closed, "HOOOT childdd in the cittyyyy!!!".....then I open my eyes and see the housekeeper looking at me. Most of them know me anyway...I always move their carts down the hall while they're cleaning the bathrooms.

I was watching 'Ellen' yesterday, and she had the "Hip Hop Abs" dude on there. It looks really fun, but for someone like me with NO coordination, aerobics is not something I eagerly sign up for. I'm the girl when the whole class is moving R, I'm going L. Don't even get me started on those damn steps. Step up with your R foot, hop, step down on your left, dance a jig...anything with more than 2 things to do is OUT. I'm better off walking laps around the gym while this part is going on. I look like I should have a helmet and pads on because I am so uncoordinated.

And why is it when you're doing ab crunches your body all of a sudden gets gassy?

One place I really like to go and walk is down by the river. Me and my friend Daphne used to walk down there alot. The stairs where you watch fireworks is EXCELLENT for your calves. Something that was fun, but not smart, was running down the hill towards the river. She'd be in front of me and I'd be screaming, "I can't stop! I can't stop!" If she all of a sudden stopped, or tripped, I'd be in deep crap. Running down the hill towards fast moving water is not the brightest idea. Your momentum gets going and it scares the crap out of you because you don't think you'll ever stop. We need to put hay or a wall of tires down there if we decide to do that again. Or I need to start running with my floaties.

I really need to get a grip on my hormones. Either that, or start weeding out the stupid people. You'd be amazed the amount of people who call for patient room numbers, and don't know the patients last name. That's kind of vital, Einstein.

Caller: "I need a room number."

Me: "Allright. Shoot."

Caller: "Chad."

Me: "Chaaaad?"

Caller: "I don't know his last name."

Me: *Click*

This one kills me....

Caller: "I need my Dad's room number."

Me: "Ok."

Caller: *silence*

Me: "What is his name?!!"

Idiot.

I think I am going to stop reading the news online. I rarely catch it on the tube, so that's not a concern. I never realized that once I had children how much I would be affected by ALL kids.

It hurts my heart when I read abuse stories or worse. Sometimes I wonder why it's even news to begin with. I feel the media crosses the line way too much. With Britney Spears for example. It is obvious this girl needs help. As a parent, you can only do so much, but instead of calling "trusted" magazines to print updates on your daughter, why not get her help? I'm not there, I have no clue what's going on, and frankly, it's her business, I don't care. I feel bad for her little ones, though. Lord knows what they have been witness to. Having kids is not easy. I'm still on a roller coaster of hormones from having Shelby in September.

I had a lady bring her daughter in today and as I asked for her proof of insurance, she goes into this spiel in front of her daughter about how her daughter was adopted by her ex-husband, and she's fighting with his attorney because the ex-husband has taken this little girl off of his insurance but kept his "real kids." I wanted to cry! I'm thinking, "SHUTUP!" Kids remember more than what you think they do. I found out not too long ago that an ex of mine (who had adopted children of his own) has bailed out on one of his kids. It's a long, ridiculous, hard to believe story, but it's true. If I saw him today, I'd definitely make sure he could never have kids of his own. Children aren't disposable! They're little helpless adorable sponges that look to you for everything. EVERYTHING. Being a mom is the best gift ever, but I never realized how awesomely hard it was to be a parent. It's so much more than changing diapers and feeding and watching "The Little Mermaid" 800 times like you did when you babysat your neighbors kids. Seriously, I can quote that movie I watched it so much. Courtney (who I watched until she was about 2) is 21 now. God, I'm old.

More later - I've typed so much about kids I'm missing mine.

xoxo

Mel

It's late. I'm wide awake. *Sigh.*

Greetings!

I think this whole blogging thing is a drug. It's pretty sad when my son pees in the floor, and I think, "OMG.....wait until I blog about THIS!" He stood in the kitchen today "Momma! I pee pee! I pee pee now!"
My son isn't a liar. He pee pee'd.
I tell you WAYYYY too much.

I seem to be developing a fan club....Missy at work will sit right next to me and say, "Type something on your blog...I'm bored!" When we could very easily strike up a convo right then and there. Women are funny like that. "Go to your office and I'll call you!" Call me? I'm right here!!!!

I was on myspace tonight looking at some pictures, and Dan was like, "Do women take their camera EVERYWHERE?" I don't know how many profiles I've seen where women are always in 3's with their heads real close, and the title is "GIRLS NIGHT OUT!!"
Fine, go out! Who gives a crap!
Deep down I'm just jealous. My nights are all about diapers and Apple Juice. And then there's the kids to take care of.

I think I need to get my eyes examined. Driving is not one of my strong points, but add darkness to the equation and you're asking for disaster. And what's with these bluish/white headlights now? Ugh. And why don't country roads have lines? NO lines in the road, and ditches on both sides. Ginger, THIS is why I never come to your house. I drove to a friends house in Utica once, had my license less than a week...when I got there, she was like, "What did you hit???!!!" because I had corn husks all in my R side hubcaps.
Me: (Panicking) "I didn't hit anything!! Which is shocking because of all the damn cows!! And who doesn't put stripes down the middle of the road? Where the hell am I??!!!"
Yep. And it was Utica, people. 20 minutes out of Owensboro. Tops.

I may suck at driving, but I'm not an idiot when it comes to parking. Whoever the Captain of the Dumbass Elite was that parked so close to me at Wal-Mart that I had to suck in so much I almost imploded....the maxi pad on your windshield was from ME!! Take that, jackass!
Something that annoys the crap out of my husband is that I'm a honker. Light turns green? *HONK!!* "GOOOOO!!!!" I'm also a flipper-offer. Yes, that IS a word.
And I do laugh at myself sometimes when I honk and wave at people I don't know. Mainly because they'll spend the next 5 minutes thinking, "Who the hell was that?" But you wave...you always do. The horn honks, your hand automatically goes up. Wave first, ask questions later. Never fails.

I haven't been up this late in a while. It's only 10:53 pm. Granted, I'm the ONLY one in the house up. I am finding out that after everybody goes to bed is MEL time. It hit me one day.....the house is quiet, Dan isn't on the PC...I could actually read the paper online in peace!!!!

*Insert Hallelujah! choir here*

Take care losers. I'm outie.
xoxox
Mel

I want a train in my house just like in Silver Spoons

Ok, it's January and 65 degrees outside. What is this? Texas? I'd love to move to Texas, actually. *Image of Mel in a cowboy hat* How cool would that be? You could end all of your sentences with "wah ha hah"...."Pass me the salt little lady, wah ha hah."
This year has been the weirdest weather for our town. One day you're mowing the grass, the next day you're shoveling your driveway. I love it when it's about 70 and NO humidity. Humidity and curly hair do not get along.

Just a tip - do not leave your makeup where your 2 year old can get ahold of it. I have to admit, it was really cute him attempting to put lipstick on me last night....I'd show you the pic but then I'd have to kill you. There's huge red chunks on my lips, if anything, it looks like I have BAD herpes. HAHA!
Speaking of pictures and little ones, why do parents have to take pictures of everything? "Awwww...it's his first poopy diaper!.....aww, it's the first time she spit up on me!! How cute!" Nicole, a co-worker of mine, told me she has 7,000 pictures of her son in her PC. Not 700. Not 1000. 7,000. How old do you think this child is? 12? Nope. 18 months. When he learns to talk, his first words will be "CHEESE THIS!!"

I dunno if you have caught this story or not, but I found it to be absolutely ridiculous.
This lady who resides in Oregon is a mayor of a small town. She has a myspace page up with racy photos of herself. She says her personal life is "her business." I agree. EXCEPT YOUR A MAYOR OF A SMALL TOWN, MORON!!
To top it off, the pictures of her in her lingerie are on the city's fire truck. This I have a problem with...or can understand why the residents are so upset. She's not even that hot. What the hell?
You choose to be a public servant, and should conduct yourself accordingly. Skank!
Link to story: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,320588,00.html

I cannot imagine being sexy on a fire truck. *Insert hose joke here.*

To be honest, it's hard for me to "try" to be sexy. I can't do it. There's women I'm sure who strip for their man, etc...I, even though I'm sure it would be appreciated, can not. Walking towards him I would trip....I'd have problems unhooking my bra....the music would skip......you name it, it would happen.

You're welcome for the mental imagery, by the way.

That's one of the biggest fears I had about having a baby girl. I am not "foo-foo" at all. I played with my brother's hot wheels as a kid. I had dolls, but I gave them mohawks and moustaches with Sharpies. I am not the woman to come to for fashion and/or makeup tips....I guess if Shelby has questions, I'll have her email her gay cousin in Atlanta. He's so pretty!!

I found out today that a dear friend of mine, Catherine, lost her mother. It's awful. She passed away from a brain aneurysm and she was only 50 years old. Catherine is like me....we constantly sing stupid off the wall songs and laugh at ourselves. Who sings "Hey Santa" by Wilson Phillips in July? Us.

She's expecting her 4th baby in September. I swear, everytime she sneezes a baby pops out. At her shower, I'm going to buy her a diaphragm.

We're under a tornado watch at the moment. I'm not a big fan of thunder and lightning. Or tornadoes, obviously. I remember as a single gal I lived in an apartment next to another single gal....everytime there was a tornado warning we'd always sit in my bathtub until it was over.

(We were clothed, freak.) One night it was awful outside and she came to my door....I'm like, "You want ME to protect you? The thunder just made me wet myself!!"

I guess I'm going to go...I need to move my mattress to the tub.

Hey Santa!!!

Mel

I miss NERF Basketball

Goooooood Morning!

I know, I'm entirely too cheerful this morning, but I've been up since 4 a.m. so there-you-go. Where I work (yes, I'm at work, shutup) there is absolutely NOBODY around this early. I experience this every time I come in to open. I look down the huge hallways, and it reminds me of "The Shining." If there are ever twin girls dressed in blue in the middle of the hall I would crap myself!!

The dork in me wants to roller skate down the hallways, go up and down elevators zooming around.....it would be the best time ever. As a kid I used to go to the roller skating rink on Wesleyan Park Drive. It was $2.00 to get in for as long as you wanted to stay. There's Skates Alive open now, but it's not the same. It's a hardwood floor, meaning when you make your way to the end of the rink and turn L you are going against the grain and it sucks. Although if you were having a conversation while you were skating, upon reaching this point you do sound like a motorboat, so...it works out. The old rink was CONCRETE! How smart was that? But that's the way it was, and we liked it! We loved it! I was never good at stopping, or doing the hokey pokey. I was the dork when you "do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around" I literally could not turn myself around. I'd be the one going waaaay outside the circle, then upon attempting to stop either falling or grabbing the girl next to me's shirt and taking her down with me. Who would put a brake at the tip of your shoe? I could never grraaaduuuallly come to a stop. It's all or nothing with me. "Where'd Mel go?" "Down here! I'm O-K!"

Then there's the snack bar! You had to go to the snack bar on SKATES!! WHAT? What 7 year old can carry a tray with nachos, blazing hot cheese and a drink....on a slick tile floor on skates??!!! Throw me some balls.....you want me to juggle too, Sparky???!!

Oh no, and to go to the bathroom....don't EVEN get me started on that. You can't sit on those nasty toilets, and since we girls have to wipe, let's just say coordination is NOT one of my strengths, including hand-eye. Damn ramps leading into the bathroom what the holy hell!

Geez, I never knew all of this was inside of me...I never knew I had so much pent up "skating rink" aggression. Thank you readers, thank you.

After yesterdays sneezing fiasco, I thought I was going to end up with a sinus infection. I spent all of last night still sneezing, then my sinuses really began to ache. It's different than just coming down with a 'bug'....I choked on motherfking Crystal mother fking light! I don't know how coke users tolerate it.....why would you WANT to voluntarily put something up your nose? If there is anyone out there who is making a list of things NOT to put up your nose, add crystal light to it. I'm here to help.

With the new year here and gone, everybody is all amped up about their resolutions to lose weight, quit smoking, etc. I made my husband an offer: If I lose 30 pounds, would he quit smoking? He took me up on it, simply because of the probability of me following through on the weight loss is....well, I may surprise everybody on that one. *cough*bullcrap*cough*

I do actually have one that is proving to be more successful, and that's not letting things get to me like I used to. I deal with things as they happen, rather than keeping it in and taking it out later on the wrong people. I was always worried about other people's feelings, but I look at it this way, if you are going to be a douche, I'll douche right back! Douche!

I have a heater underneath my desk turned on all the way to high - the room is cold as crap but my right leg has a huge red spot under my pants. Toasty!

I gave in to my inner child and re-joined Myspace. I hate to say it, it's actually a nice way to keep up with friends. I could give a poop about how pretty my page is, but I love seeing how these thin cheerleaders from school now look like 3rd shift city bus drivers. It was cool, within 2 days I had like, 25 "friends" all from different parts of my life.

**Random stupid joke: What did the prisoner say to his girlfriend? "I'll call you later from my cell."**

I'm off for now - go do something productive, loser!

Ta-ta,

Mel

Great Expectations: Not all I expected it to be

Oh my lord, I'm dying. Elizabeth! I'm comin!! I just took a drink of water and I guess it went down the wrong way, but since the baby is asleep I tried to contain the ensuing madness, and ended up having crystal light come out my nose. I hate that burning that follows...you know, the same burning that when you go swimming you ALWAYS get water up your nose. So there you are trying to be casual looking like you just got hit in the face with a dodgeball..."I gob wabber in my node!"

I just sneezed about 600 times. You go, body defense system!!

My brain: "Warning! Warning! Crystal light...what the...? In the NOSE?? Really?!"

Oh my gosh. This really sucks right now.

Something that struck me funny....I read an article last night where a man's GPS system told him to turn R...so he did.....INTO THE PATH OF AN ONCOMING TRAIN! What a moron! Of course the car got stuck, he got out in the nick of time, but COME ON! Update your software, Dork! If mine told me to turn R and it just happened to be the end of a cliff, I might think twice....I wouldn't think, "Maybe there's candy at the bottom!" and go for it. Idiot.

I'm still sneezing.

I haven't left my house since I got home from work Tuesday night. This is not good for someone like me, with too much time on their hands. Tonight is the usual...go out for Mexican then grocery shopping. I grocery shop the same way, every time. It's like I have a map of Wal-Mart in my head, and I do my list from that, which I usually leave at home or at work. *Image of Missy finding a post-it with Corn Dogs, Diapers, Vaseline....."Whose list is this???"*

We were talking at work the other day about it...frozen foods are always last! And do you use those "keep cold" bags they provide? I never knew about those until we saw some dude (probably gay) putting his whatevers in one. I was like, "Awesome!!" (Doesn't take much to excite me.)

Oh my god, this is awful. If your heart stops every time you sneeze, I should be dead right now. I look like Sylvester Stallone in the final scene of Rocky.

I guess I shall close considering I can now feel my heartbeat in my nose from sneezing 487 times. This was so not what I had intended on yacking about....I guess when I remember what it was, you shall read about it.

Party on Garth,

Mel *ah-choo!*